Hm. I never thought I’d have to stoop this low.


But it seems as if I need your help, jinchruicki.

"So the great and mighty Tsuchikage with his head in the clouds must come down to earth and beg for my aid. You know you have it, for if I did not respect my duty as a shinobi you would be dead. Speak, what task is so great you cannot do it, or so menial that you find it worthy only of a monster to do?" 



And thus Han and Temari played matchmaker, and were the worst people to play the role. 


Temari looked over and blinked in surprise. “What are you… doing?” She’d never seen him without all that armor on. Was this a sign that he finally trusted her?

"I cannot bathe in my armor. It would rust, or worse, hurt the camel." Fire and camels didn’t mix. When he returned to the bathroom, a normally horrifying sight appeared. Han was without his armor, and it was not a pretty sight. His entire body was scarred, from head to toe, as though he had been set ablaze. Among the burn scars, were other scars likely taken in battle. He would not likely be winning any beauty contests in his life. "I imagine that you find my form horrifying." 

Well, she certainly appeared strong. Coming from someone who stood at over seven feet, who weighed over three hundred pounds, who wore a furnace and punched like a literal freight train, that was something. 

"Do you come to talk, or do battle? Speak, it matters not to me." 

"So, what does my least favorite individual wish to speak to me about?"


"The wild animal came with you," she muttered, throwing away the toilet paper and turning to fill up the tub with water. "Probably just soap… or shampoo. I can’t imagine it’d make a difference either way, except maybe in the smell."

"Actually it found me, it was here with you before I arrived. Regardless, I suppose I’ll have to hold him in the tub." And with that, he stepped outside the bathroom so he could take off all that armor. 



          A small frown tugged at the corner of her lips as she looked the man in the face. Visiting him was an order and she had to be professional about it, no matter how it made her feel. Shifting uncomfortably, she cleared her throat. “Look, please just tell me if you’ve seen anything. That’s all I need to know, I’ll get out of your way afterwards.”

"As I said, I have not seen anything suspicious, save for you coming to see me. It is not as though you are here for a pleasure visit." 


Shaking her head, she cleaned the toilet paper off him. “I swear, he’s more trouble than a human boy.”

"That is what happens when you let a wild animal in the house. Now, how do we bathe him? Should we just use normal soap or do we need something else?"


"Toilet paper is hardly strange." She sighed and knelt next to the camel. "Help me get this off him."

"I meant the other bottles that he seems interested in." With one hand, Han lifted the camel off the ground, so that Temari could easily get the now dirty toilet paper off of him. 

rinpungakure asked: "You two should have the wedding in Takigakure, ssu! All the steam from the hot springs would provide a nice homage to your fighting style. Oh and there won't be any sand. There is something about sand that I just can't stand."

"I am not getting married, and I am not being married in a place that will not even let you enter it." 

tagged → #rinpungakure


The woman sighed and walked to her bathroom, seeing the camel getting into her toiletries. “No, bad camel!”

The camel flailed, falling to the ground looking like a mummy seeing as he was covered from head to toe in toilet paper. Han walked up behind her, raising an eyebrow. “Seems he finds your strange things curious.” 


Temari pinched the bridge of her nose. “I thought you had him. Why were you so adamant about him being clean if you didn’t have him with you?”

"He was here when we started. Although that was a while ago." Of course, there were sounds coming from the bathroom, that sounded like something was knocking into things. 


"… Um. Okay. Sure, I guess."

"Then it is decided. So where is he then?" That was one part they hadn’t thought of; they had to find the camel. 

rinpungakure asked: "So that means old man Ōnoki does the decision making, right? I think you could have done a lot worse. Either way, a married Jinchūriki is an oxymoron. You get to be super special, ssu!"

"The old man simply wants me gone. The decision is the Kazekage’s to make, to see if he wants a monster in his village." 

tagged → #rinpungakure


"Wait, what?"

"Well if you are not going to bathe him alone, and I am not going to bathe him alone, then the only way this is going to work is if we both bathe him."